Free Write Fling, October 3, 2007
Cynthia Morris posted, “Thirteen Words Associated with Adventure” and I thought which one most closely resembles my life and my actions.
In a prose poem I once wrote,
Risks. The 21 days between departure and arrival. You curled in the sleeper berth; me in the double bed turning toward a pile of pillows.
The poem is in the voice of a trucker’s wife who tries to maintain the sense of her marriage while her husband trucks the lower 48 states. She is home in the Upper Peninsula managing the homefront. He is out-there.
My work is often autobiographical and that poem was based on my life experiences back in the late 1990s. My husband became an over-the-road truck driver in order to put food on the table but along that dark highway he also became a compulsive gambler.
I formed an online forum to help support trucking families. Form community. Find support for the lifestyle. I never knew there was a great need—I only knew I needed to talk to people. Instead of getting a job after college graduation in 1997, I started working homeroad.com, the site I created full-time from a home office. I had no income for months.
The gambling got worse and I had to make a move. I suffered from fatigue and pain. I was trying to heal. But each week the checks would come home. $900 or more earned on the road. $75 dollars for food deposited to the bank. My anger grew. I could no longer be that woman on the computer who wrote to trucking families. I walked away from my job. While building and running homeroad.comI had become Managing Editor of layover.com and homeroad.com was now The Family Center, we had a wide audience.
I had no plan. I just walked away. I substitute taught for income. I divorced my husband.
I have since walked away from many jobs, most recently a full-time job at a call center. I was making good money for the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. But I was miserable. I was so exhausted, my body again achy, lethargic. I had panic attacks. I cut back to part-time and then, eventually left.
It is now the fall of 2007, a full decade after I began my adventure on the Internet. I know several things. I am a writer and artist. I love finding ways to communicate. I like the variable life of a substitute teacher. I may have again cut my income in half but I feel the risks are worth it.
I am once again publishing. My first photo is about to be published. It takes risk. Facing fear. Overcoming your inner-editor. Staying open to the possible, and even probable— if, you let it flow.
For more information on this Free Write Fling.