Free Write Fling, Ocotber 17, 2007
“Scuba divers who go a little too deep sometimes report and odd dreamlike sensation called rapture of the deep or the martini effect. It is caused by too much nitrogen building up in the blood and it can cause diver to hallucinate.” (This is a found quote and I do not have the source at this moment.)
Rapture of the Deep or Martini Effect
The seasonal shift has occurred and I leave for work in the dark and teach into the second period with darkness. The sun sets earlier. I feel, already, like I am moving thru molasses trying to stay above the surface. The depression has started and I could use a bit of rapture of the deep or a martini effect. Maybe an artistic high?
Tonight, plans changed multiple times leaving me on my own for the evening. I headed out to Presque Isle (Marquette) to shoot some photos of the ore dock. But my batteries would shut down the digital camera after each click.
Having felt negative all day, the idea was to pursue those things that make me happy, bring awe or inspire. I walked the Moosewood Bog Walk at Presque Isle and met a woman and her golden retriever. I combed the beach for beach glass and came up with a few tiny shards. I continued attempts at taking one shot at a time with the digital camera. I followed the outing by eating at Border Grill Express.
Still no rapture of the deep. My bliss remained elusive.
The Golden lab was going blind. Nervous. Normally on their nightly walk they have the place to themselves. I was a blurry stranger on the path. The barks were not threatening, but cautioning. I stood still as they approached, talked friendly and petted the retriever after introductions. An old dog, happy to be out on a fall evening. And here I was still trying to tread the waters of my depression (blurry stranger on path)
I know if I allow this to pass it will. I got out of the house. I pursued art. I had physical exercise and nourished myself with fresh food. All the right things. But I came home and closed the bedroom door, needing solitude. Down time. Reflection.
Tomorrow promises of rain, more darkness, and I remind myself of the photos taken on the breakwall (Migraine Mania) the light in darkness and the magic of those scenes. So as I approach the Presque Isle Power Plant I take photos of the large coal piles stored for winter. On Lake Superior the shipping season closes down in winter forcing those who live around it’s boundaries to stockpile resources brought on Great Lake freighters. They off-load coal and take-on iron ore pellets. The power plants of Marquette bring us electricity to fend off our long winter days and nights. They allow our homes to glow. For a person who suffers from seasonal depressions each winter they become a beacon, of sorts.
Regardless how I feel about energy, coal, the environment, those two power plants with their twin smokestacks do aid me in my pursuit of light. Oddly enough, these ordinary images on the skyline of Marquette have become a favorite backdrop in photos–I don’t think many understand.
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I Feel: Low-Energy, Lonesome, Depressed.