FWF August–Poised on Rock

Poised upon rock outside my chiropractor’s office I attempt to regain my balance. I have transitioned from Qigong silk-reeling to Tai Chi cloud-hands. I have a soft gaze. Then a red truck drives down the road and reminds me of how upset I became when I saw the upcoming weeks schedule—it too had me seeing red.

I have been in Physical Therapy since May trying to get mobility and strength back into my right upper body. I have had some neck and shoulder instability for years but over the winter with my push for fitness the joint became irritated and frozen shoulder took over. It is a tenuous balance. If I move to quickly with the P.T. my shoulder takes 3-steps backward and spasms ensue. I am happy I can water overhead plants, again. I am happy I can reach behind me to shut off the shower again. But to open the window over the sink—well that still takes a kitchen chair and I cannot push that window any higher than my shoulder. Still, I accept the progress.

My adjustments at the chiropractor have been twice a week and the added stress to the budget has limited growth in other areas. But it is necessary to get through the latest flare-up. I work a physical job and much of what I do (therapy-wise) helps me keep that job. I cannot have injuries. I must be able to assist people in their daily lives as I am a community living specialist working with people who have physical and cognitive disorders.

I’ve lost over 40 pounds since November 2008, and over 45 pounds since I graduated from Massage School in 2004. No, I do not still massage. I had to close my practice after a car accident and a bout with tendonitis. At that time I had no insurance and did not qualify for state assistance. I struggled thru that time with self care and trades with other therapists. 

What I am trying to say is I like my job. I am tired of walking away from work I enjoy.  But the schedule had me weighing risks and healing. Schedule conflicts with pre-appointed therapy times and being assigned back at a location known to irritate my injury. After nearly three months of healing and positive gains in health, would I, or should I, even consider taking the risk to help the family and my employer. And why was I being put in this scenario to begin with?

Had I become too complacent? Should I have been looking for another position? One not so hard on the body? Was I at fault here? Maybe the risk I should have taken was bigger student loan debt and 2 more years of college? I had ignored my financial situation as it became more stretched. Losing employment or sustaining me through a necessary change would mean dire stress on the others in my life as I have nowhere to cut-back. All my abundant thinking did not seem to be working last week. I was in the mud.

But I sold a photo, donated a photo, and bought another photographer’s work—her first sale! The work I donated was for a silent auction and it was highly popular and will add to my sales. Mike, too was getting notice for a photo taken in a flash of time—his first publication. This reminding me that abundance is everywhere, coming from new and unknown resources.

I love all the work I do, caring for others, photography, writing. I believe I bring an essence of healing to all I do. The work I need to keep doing is finding new opportunities that bring balance, that add to my health and well-being as well as that of others.  It is my intention to strive toward that goal and spend more time poised on rock with cloud hands.


I am a participant in the…

Free Write Fling with Cynthia Morris–31 Days to Loving your Writing!


About kimnixon

Upper Peninsula Michigan Artist and Writer

Posted on August 9, 2009, in Contours, Freewrite Fling, Holistic Health, Memory and Memoir, Verge and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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