Have you ever made what was intended to be a temporary move to make-do and it ended up being a 5 year stint? I was a substitute teacher looking to make extra cash while trying to find myself and I ended up working after school with special needs children and adults. Which eventually lead to working for a group home. I’ve been with the company for 5 years, now. And where I’ve grown and discovered new strengths and talents the journey took me far from who I am at the core. At the close of 2012 I realized how far I had drifted. On a drive home from work, tears streaming down my cheeks, I came to the understanding that I would have to find the shoreline and start anew.
There have been people in my daily life that put a certain weight and guilt on my shoulders. And I somehow let it sit long enough to believe that I had to have that weight.
I gave more commitment to sacrifice, to work…
Less was given to keeping myself healthy, fit and sane.
I stopped going to the gym. Instead of multiple hikes a week and impromptu walks, I either worked or prepared for work the next day.
Gone was the monthly massage, journal writing or blog. Trips to the gym. I was losing my optimism. I felt hate in my soul. And I packed on 15 pounds in less than 4 months. I felt panicked. Fear. Depression.
I am drifting back to myself. Trying new directions. In 2013 I shall Transcend.
This is a photo from my backyard. I returned home from a day of facing-up to things. And I was still mulling over the question from Wednesday and I was disappointed for not accomplishing my Wishcasting Wednesday post.
I decided to make a post on Thursday, as I make necessary changes in my daily life the question of How do you wish to spend your time? is very pertinent. Pertinent and yet, frightful.
I was worried that if I am frightened how do I achieve abundant thinking? How do I make that energetic shift?
I needed hope after my physical therapist gave me the latest news which included–don’t practice yoga for a bit. No twists, No forward bends. No stretching. And sit with a lumbar pillow.
Facebook Status I
Bolstering Hope–the theme of my day as I face the challenges of my life/style. Bought myself carnations on clearance. Found a wonderful scarf at Goodwill. Counted change for a latte. Went to physical therapy. Documented on documents and set appointments to ensure a healthy future. Talked with artists, friends, and worked on building a supportive network. I am a strong person and I can rise to any challenge. And, yes, the tropical aroma of the carnations help ;-)
Facebook Status II
Planning brings certain words to mind: Positive. Social. Spirit-based. Energetic. Balanced. Service. Healing. Smiles. Assist. Beauty. Fresh. Natural. Organic. Warm. Eco-Conscious. Love. Light. Fit. Supportive.
But the big question still looms!
How do you wish to spend my time?
- I’d like to read for long periods of time.
- I’d like to take photos and publish them frequently.
- I’d like to write articles and get back to journaling.
- I’d like to heal my injuries and feel confident enough to retrain for a career.
There are many ways I wish to spend my time. Tonight, I’m going to finish some chores and return to daily journaling.
Join Jamie Ridler and her followers in WishcastingWednesday!
Traditions and strengths, the caption on the above photo came to me as I watched the start of the Upper Peninsula 200 Dog Sled race on Friday Night. The old theatre sign was lit, a rarity. The people braved the cold. I pondered the changes coming in my life. Changes that have come as a surprise and others that have come with purposeful changes.
I completed an exercise in gratitude. For 30 days I tracked my gratitudes, overwhelmingly these observances were tied to my creative endeavors, my fiance’ Mike, and the good healthy food I choose to nourish my body.
The connections we choose, the activities, and the gratitudes help us build traditions and strength. I am excited to see what a year of tracking my creative steps will bring. Already, I look at my life so differently, and I’m open to change. I have less fear, and more willingness.
- Gave a gift!
- Made cupcakes at work.
- Did things different at work.
- Whiteboard initiated with positive words.
- Took time to review goals for the week.
- Talked to my daughter—plans to babysit.
- Made do with a little less.
- Showcased in this Etsy Treasury, Yellow Bus take me to the front page!
- Framing of 4 new photographs.
- Dropped into the gallery.
- Took photos in Marquette’s Lower Harbor.
- Composed new signature for bottom of emails.
- Purchased local products and services.
- Posted my Creative Every Day chronicle.
- Meeting Ceiri at Garden Bouquet for wedding flower planning.
- Get Fit with Kim–Nourish Your Life! blog post.
- UP 200 photo shoot.
- Photo edits
- Dream On blog post
- Watched Grandson, read stories and sang songs.
- Compiled an Etsy Treasury, Prayers Take Flight.
Get on with it…face the demons of the day. Today I woke early and nervous. I faced something scary. Then I got on with it and grabbed snowshoes, layered up and headed out into the rest of my day.
I’m learning new aspects of myself. Some I like. Some scare me. Some just make me itch. I caught notice of woodpeckers today and it made me consider the pecking order of things. Then I harkened back to the idea that it was a new day. I attempted to let go of what was troubling me.
Winter, February, Cold, they are all things to survive. Change, something to adjust to. So when you get a little sunshine in the cold Upper Peninsula winter it is time to make endorphins. Time to soak up some vitamin D. Get the blood pumping. Listen to the wind howl down hillsides, through pine boughs. Notice signs of life from chickadee to woodpecker, track animals.
Make a choice for Happiness. In fact make it a project! That’s what I am doing this whole year. I am choosing magical happiness for 365 days. I know who I want to be inside and out. I know what it will take to get me there. Today it was that hike in snowshoes on Baby Lake Trail in Ishpeming’s Al Quaal park. One bank sign said it was 9 degrees farenheit. I know there was wind. But the crisp day moved me along. And I saw beauty.
My writings which came in two sessions today. I was s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g myself today. And guess what! There was enough of me to go around.
Session 1 excerpts:
A pink geranium reminded me that with the season changing this momentum could spur my own growth and survival. Devil’s night I was bringing flowerpots from the front yard back to the shed and a pink geranium was about to bloom. I thought I will help you survive “little pink” and took the pot inside.
This pink geranium then spurred me to rearrange the whole healing-art studio upstairs. I now see this as a three-day arrangement complete with dust balls the size of guinea pigs. But the process will reach into winter.
Last night, as I drove home from the 3-11 shift at the group home the Wells Fargo Bank sign reported 32 degrees. The windows of my car had already started to frost. Mike reports he must finish fixing the snow blower, because snow is predicted for later this week. Heavy, wet,-first snow the kind you rather wait out in your home until the next warm day.
I woke to the golden glow casting itself through the living room and past the red orange dogwood. The cat is snoring next to me on the couch and I can hear crows outside.
Session 2 excerpts:
I think of the hostas in the garden that are decaying with each frost. I hear predictions of snow. I think of things I need to lay to rest over the coming days.
They tell me how to fly. I fly. I photo. I clip and even sew. I look forward to this new endeavor.
I see new friends. I channel. I swim with the fishes.
Orange fish. Blue fish. Green fish. Two fish. Or the tiny fish swimming in the channel, today. Squirming in shallow water and travelling too quick for my camera. Away to new shelter.
Foot paths. Bridges. The suspension bridge at Song Bird. River sitting. Soup.
I must make soup and roast squash and bake goodness and share with many.
Like the title of a daytime soap opera, the pace of our lives leaves us wishing for Another World. Maybe a nap won’t do. You just cannot find a novel to curl up with. Time on a swing in the breeze near grapevines and blackberry brambles just isn’t “out there” enough. You need to feel something other than your current world, your accessible world, you need to get way out there.
I’ve been pushing it kinda hard. I cannot seem to slow down. I keep cramming work on top of work when all I want to do is run away. I want to be nurtured. I need a 45-hour massage to overcome the stresses I am putting on myself. The swing, and breeze, a nap and a book…umm nope.
A drive in the country to see animals that look like they are from another planet. Yes! Kind. Soft. So odd, they make you laugh. Gentle. And the farm has the magical name, Avalon.
Alpacas hint of familiar mixed with exotic. They make you reach out. I think they communicate like whales or like elephants. I heard a whispering tickling my brain somewhere deep. My dreams since that day are vivid and rich, long stories that continue and return.
My Magic Man took the wheel driving us out to Skandia. We took the long way home. I got to drive past chapters in my life that have closed. I got to look over ridges of fall colors to see what might arrive on a train. I took in the landscapes.
Now some of you may be cynical, and think I know what is coming–SNOW! And you would be right, snow is coming to the upper peninsula very soon. But I am also hoping that change is coming to better, me. To better my health. To get me back to work that is creatively centered and balanced.
Remember change is around you! And one single act of acceptance or open-ness may bring new opportunities.
As I reflect on this passing year I find myself coming back to these questions posted in the right-hand margin of the blog.
Most exciting is the change that comes with weight loss and changing to a fit lifestyle. I am creating greater self-esteem and raising awareness of others. Change is a strong possibility with goal-setting and determination. This is creating new directions in both personal and professional ways. I have started the new blog Http://www.runningmarquette.com.
I’m moving thru a new health challenge that is yet undiagnosed. Possible gall bladder and intestinal pain that seems to be managed by not eating wheat, dairy, meat, and refined sugars. This is causing me to slow down and learn tenderness and to focus on where I have become bitter and hardened.
I’m moving thru a period where greater focus on my earnings and finances is needed. Greater focus on paying down debt is needed. But more importantly living truer and not letting the moments take over my focus. I was too easily swayed by “wants” often losing focus of the long-term. Now the challenge comes to redefine the financial goals and remember the practicalities.
I’m enjoying the energy and fitness that came with the journey of losing over 50 pounds in one year. I am pleased with the confidence I have gained and my faith in accomplishing tough goals and tenacity to move through adversity.
I want to write a book, an ebook, further develop the web-presence and develop online sales of my photos. I want to build community with other women, writers, and artists. I want deeper connection to family. I want to increase my earnings as an artist. Freedom to schedule my days as I please and more movement in my outdoor daily life. If working a day job find one I can make a good earning at and still walk/bike to work.
Winter preparations continue today in Marquette. No snow remains on the ground and it was a lovely day on Presque Isle. I was procrastinating and getting a clearer mental focus. Fresh air and exercise will do that. I am taken in by tables, park benches, and seating. I know soon enough snow will keep us from the joy of sitting and watching runners, bikers, and rollerbladers. A tinge of melancholy yesterday and today had me in an awful funk. Sometimes change comes at you so fast it is hard to adjust yourself. Last night I ended up under the covers, crying. I managed to slow the world down just enough last night to make myself even more upset. But today’s procrastination was more positive a 55 minute run and a walk-about with camera afterward. Not what I was suppose to be doing–but it was doing!
To me, images are like writing. A photo a piece of parchment on which cherished things are recorded. This image is from my Memorial Day trip to Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore. The delicateness touched me. And, tonight, as I listen to Barack Obama, our Nation’s President talk about family and his job, I feel quieted. For now I see hope again after a somewhat dark day.
You see I was feeling down. Scared over money. Wanting so much.
But I was reminded by our President, my partner Mike, and Leon Katona, that I have so many reasons to be thankful and grateful.
Kim Nixon Okay, it’s time to list my gratitudes cause I was gettin’ a bit too f-in murky (feel free to add your gratitudes as comments).6:28pm
Kim Nixon at 6:30pm June 3
I am grateful for the greater range of motion in my shoulder. I am grateful for my sparkler. I’m grateful for the iris, lilac, apple blossom, and the sail boats headed out on Wednesdays. I’m grateful for the dinner invite on Tuesday (my daughter’s home).
Kim Nixon at 6:33pm June 3
Kim is grateful for her job, the people she gets to care for and their families.
Leon Katona at 6:36pm June 3
I’m thankful that I got to see your work at the DeVos the other day! AND that when I went to Peter White I picked up a copy of “Health and Happiness” and saw that you had an article in it!! =]
Kim Nixon at 6:38pm June 3
Kim is grateful for her ability to lose weight and her recent successes. And also for the leftovers in the fridge.
Kim Nixon at 7:53pm June 3
Holy crap–Leon you just made my day!! :-) There are two of my articles in H&H. Okay I cannot feel down on myself right now.
Leon Katona at 9:06pm June 3
I loved your self-image and healing article. I think it really shows that you’ve become more comfortable by submitting that piece. Really lovely work.
Kim Nixon at 10:12pm June 3
Okay…wow…it’s true so much is changing, has changed. Sometimes it is hard to remember even recent positive changes.
Shock came strong yesterday as I realized the passage of time–the plants from a year ago are now full and lush. My book is still not written. As part of my goals for 2008 I am reading the book, Write it Down and Make it Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser who talks about the power of intention. So, I wrote it down, and I’ve committed every Monday for the rest of the year to writing, photography and forwarding my creative side.
It is great to be working two jobs and creating abundance but I must also trust in my skills as artist and that one day I will be supporting myself in pursuits of a different manner.
I have added a movie to my list as well, The Bucket List by director/produce Rob Reiner. I have only seen the previews but I like the concept of a list of grand accomplishments to complete before I kick the bucket. If you Facebook, you can add an application from the Movie site, your own Bucket List to share with friends. In Henriette’s book she talks about making a list no matter how grand the idea and uses the example of a coach at Notre Dame University who did the same, remarkably he has completed many of the itmes he thought outlandish and impossible as a young man. It is amazing what providence brings to those writing with intention.
What is on your Bucket List? What are you growing? What shall the universe help bring forward for you? Leave me a comment and let’s talk about how to support each other in our pursuits.