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The numbers do not lie…

Today I stepped on the scale and weighed in just ounces under 160 pounds. I’ve watched my weight gain with a frown but found it difficult to garner the willpower to fight the numbers.

I lost 60 pounds and kept it off in the face of illness and stress for over two years. But as hip and knee challenges slowed my fitness and I went from running to walking, I misplaced my enthusiasm and my discretion in making choices that benefitted my health. Fatigue set in, and inflammation. I found myself questioning the spiral and amazed at the psyche that was craving M&M’s (that are cursedly gluten free) when my mind once craved a healthy smoothie with spinach.

In 2004 I graduated from massage school and I weighed 204 pounds. My lowest weight was just prior to my diagnosis with Celiac Disease where I had my lowest weight of 141. I understand that Celiac had my body struggling for nourishment, and part of my weight loss was spurred by the disease, but I was journaling my food intake and using measuring cups for portion control. I logged on to SparkPeople.com every day and I tracked the calories I burned in each workout. I ran 3-4 times a week.

Now, I’ve become almost sedentary. I work in a group home where there is a lot of stress. And where I am physical on my job, I find it difficult to get off my butt when I am home. I am struggling. Yet I have the knowledge of past success and how to get that weight coming off once more.

What has stopped me? I am fearful of pain. I have no health insurance. I want to run, but know I need to start at a walk. Yet when I head out to the gym, or trail my body wants that rush of running down the trail.

That number 160—it is unacceptable! I will not continue on this path. I will lose the weight. Today I had a smoothie and a salad. It is a start.

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